Guilty Conscience

 A day in the break room of spirit guides.
(Play music clip "I think I'm a Clone Now" by Weird Al)

Welcome to the kingdom, we live in shit, but we care not, for we love our shit. It stinketh nicely.
Priests hand out the words of god, but I don’t see them.
Coffee, perhaps too much. Mixed with cocoa beans, tastes betta.
Pirates complain of their new tattoos. Perhaps to draw attention. I enjoy the bass pirate. He showed me his battle scar. Peasant noticed us, and thought wrongly of our doing. Pirate eventually died of his wounds.
An Indian, who still believes in sun as the father, painted me an abstraction. Unfortunately, I smiled so hard, the painting undistorted. After escaping the plank and learning to live in the sea, I arrived here!

I’m not even going to try to make sense of all that.
Hey Darian, rough day?
Rough? My human is writing in code.
So? Maybe she has something to hide.
It’s her diary! The whole point is to hide the diary, not distort the thoughts so you’d need to translate them later.
So… she’s just paranoid?
To say the least.
Guess you’re going to be working double time for a while, huh?
Don’t expect to hear from me within three years. When she finally does acknowledge me again, there will be quite a mess to clean up.
I’m glad mine is so laid back. He doesn’t really worry beyond his next meal. Which gets boring after a while because there’s only so much I can do in a break room. I’ve refaced the Dixie cups 20 times.
Mm. Yes. Sounds awful.
Hey, it’s not my fault you were created by a mentally unstable 5 year old. I just got lucky. Be thankful you’re not with Sue. Poor fuck. Her guide has to communicate with her through a miniature turtle she named Donatello by only using TMNT references. Nobody invites him to parties anymore.
So were you trained to be an asshole or does that just come naturally?
I’m just saying. It could be worse.

Try as I may, Ignore as I try, I cannot resist. Writing only emphasizes yet I cannot stop.
Careful foolish heart; a friend he may seem, comfortable this may feel, but it can end worse than it started.
For now, simply wait. Wait for eternity, for resolve, for a sign to indicate my next move. I throw it to fate and trust it knows what I’m doing.
We have fun.
The wait makes us yearn.
Just to see him, the phase of desire. Where is the bliss?
When we see others, is it for jealousy’s play or for confusion? For necessity? If there was no distance, there would be no desire.
Take form! I can wait no longer. Or can I? If the desire is great enough, one will want.

Take your breaks at night. She does sleep right? 
Yeah, but even then I’m on duty.
Doing what?
Well, she tries to solve her problems through her dreams.
So does mine, but they don’t have to remember how. Just let it happen when they wake up, though. That way you can relax in the meantime.
Oh I have. I’ll leave her to whatever crazy firings occur. Except then I will undoubtedly work a double the next morning because she’ll still end up believing it meant something. While I’m trying to maintain the balance, she’s off on tangents trying to decipher her dream.
Sounds like you’re competing with each other.
She just won’t let me do my job.
Maybe you should request a transfer?
I don’t even know how that would work. I might take a vacation though.
Think she can manage without you for awhile?
With our luck she’ll probably find some everlasting peace when I’m finally gone.
Haha! Take it easy. I know it seems rough now, but she’s still young. She’s trying to figure herself out. Wait a few years when she’s more mature and had some time to move past the issues that plague teens.
What about if she becomes pregnant?
… How about some tea?

Boredom plays my role
What else could I do? What else would I do?
We talked, I danced, he played. A ritual. I should hire an analyst.
All when I’m sick.
What better way to clear the chaos than riding your very own, brand new camel. Is spitting attractive to guys? Perhaps when handled tastefully.
What a waste.
I hope I do not transfer this abomination to him.
Do I ignore Indian? I contemplated joining his tribe.
I am being rather disrespectful.
He plays like he loves.
Watch me forget my code and create further chaos.
Yes indeed.
Fluidity, luscious. Nice words.
Our fun lies in music. A better bass for two bases.
My clock is quickening. Can’t wait to rock climb. It shall be fun. Uh-oh. Hunger has struck. I didn’t feel it when I was with him.
I bet that package will arrive today. Yay!!!

Can we turn the overhead down?! I’m getting a headache.

He has a 4 note hummingbird to attend.
Prime meridian.
Waste and want or wont and waste.
Should I visit him? Or is it here, as last night, I should leave it to chance? If I seek out desire, it will run from me.
I expect to be found, so when I don’t expect, it will come. Like the sun from the clouds. Gosh its cold.
Find the fabulous in famous, you will discover.
I pity the fool who reads my foolish heart.
Expect to discover.
What the hell are you talking about?
A skirt??
India does exist! Better to forget, perhaps…
Will I strive to remember?
Certain shift of focus, like dark stars. I could really use a wish right no-ow.
Do not smile my way. Is that selfish?
Oh my sweet, rich, lush lunch?
I’m so confused.
I had a bad day, turn around.
He said I have a good imagination.
I see things too.
You’re going to lose your mind you keep relying on code to address your inner thoughts.
I will lose. What?
What?
I see things too.
This is absurd. Do you even acknowledge you have another hemisphere in there?
I believe I arranged a partnership with fate.
If you did, I never got the memo.
Work together, to make way. Milky way… ew.
Eat it together or not at all.
This is ridiculous.
Happy note.
…
…
Are you finished?
“For now. Sorry.”
And what have we learned from all this?
“Get more sleep and don’t drink coffee?”
That’s my girl.
“But what about Aspen, I hear the weather is quite nice this time of year. Tired of the cold. Would Pirate or Indian look better on a snowboard?”
Consider this my two weeks notice.

Author’s note: That's the canister that had the Ooz!!